There’s a bitter taste in my mouth. I can’t help but think about it. Our relationship has hit a destination point. Every time I look at Ray, I can’t help but cringe. 😔 there’s something that happens to a woman when their partner lusts after someone that isn’t them. I’m not really sure I can ever look at him the same way again. I’m not even sure I can feel normal when he touches me ever again. There is a level of disgust, disappointment, distrust and betrayal I myself cannot even begin to explain.
He feels bad….
He should have cared.
He wants to make it better…..
Maybe he shouldn’t of pushed me away.
He doesn’t want to lose me…
His choices …. In the past, he’s had some pretty jerk moments. Often, he can be pretty selfish. Honestly, deep down I’ve had enough. And there’s that double edged sword. Our three young children. I’ve heard about the effects of separation on kids. 😒 and so… I just stare.
I’ve looked outside a million times, and enjoyed the beautiful yard I’ve tended to for three years. The investments we’ve made by buying our home, and a new family. Two boys and a girl. Ray didn’t care about any of that when he was… Enjoying himself.
I see it differently now. I look at our growing trees, and think about the loss. I wonder to myself… Can’t I continue on like those? Should I just stick it out for the kids? Maybe I should. I mean at least until their a bit older……
Broken inside, I couldn’t take it anymore. A side thought continued to gnaw at my heart strings. What would you do if your husband wasn’t interested in YOU? I was angry, hurt, broken, and low. I did what any woman would do. Find a way to make herself feel better. I called Tate. My heart instantaneously melted. I could feel that flame burning for the love of my life, as if it really never went out.
“Hey Dar.” Tate replied with an Angelic tone in his voice.
“It’s been a while.”
“It sure has.” He said happily. I paused for a moment, and proceeded to ask, “Do you ever think about… You know… Once upon a time?”
“Plenty of times.” My heart fluttered to the bottom of my stomach and I could feel the pain slowly slipping away.
“Come see me.”
“I would love to but…”
“I’ll buy you a plane ticket. Come stay with me for a weekend.”
Apparently, I have a lot to think about. I gave Ray a shot at winning my soul heart. He’s had eight years, and I’m not so sure he will ever succeed. Today I realize, there isn’t anything left for us anymore. I shall maybe stick it out for the little ones, at least until their older. Meanwhile, I might just remember ME
Have you ever had a ghost resurface? There’s an itch left behind. One you can’t quite scratch. Something or someone you just have to finish business with. I wonder if now is the time to lay my ghosts to rest?
To be continued……………