In Your Eyes

I awoke with a strange start today. I was having weird dreams about giant knomes, bombs, and unicorns. I tried to call my boyfriend on video chat after waking up. I had just put our baby in the bed to nurse, and wanted to be cute with my babe. Go figure, he’s in one of his moods again. Jerk!  I faintly remember snuggling up to him in the wee hours of the morning. His boner raging hard. We were both too tired to worry about making it go down. We continued to cuddle until later when he slipped away to get ready for work. So he’s having a bad moment at work, (thats his excuse.) And he’s Taking it out on me. I dont remember signing up to be someones punching bag. So my day has started with frustration. Not to mention my motivaion for handling his rock hard boner wasn’t there. A few day ago, we had sex three times, and each time, he got off but never I.  I say meh. What can you do? We have 3 kids together now.

Maybe my addiction to orgasms is a problem. Maybe he doesnt fulfill my needs in the way I need.  Side note: I’m not really sure. The dfference between us is, im mellow and he’s got anger issues. He can’t not get angry at the littlest things. The kinda ,”Cry over spilled milk.” Mentality. Everything can become a problem and everything can become an issue. Going on trips with him sucks. He’s more concerned about arguing and being right, then he is about being happy and havng fun. While he still has his positives, like loving to cook, being a great dad, and hardworker, this is my daily struggle.

“Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy. You cant have both.”

We sat at the dinner table excitedly waitng to eat. Family time is important to me. Ray couldn’t seem to get a handle on calming down. He dropped two patties on the ground outside, which Infuriated him. He was ready to let that ruin his whole evening. Donny, our first born went to the fridge to get ketchup as I’d asked him, but Ray got annoyed and rudely stated, “You need to sit down!”  “But daddy, mom wants ketchup.” “I’ll get it. Get out of there.” The sadness came over our boy. I asked him to calm down three times by this point, and he wasnt about to value my thoughts or opinions. The bottom bar holding condements in tne fridge fell down, and that was it. Ray snorted loudly, “Sit down!.”  Turmoil spun quickly within Donny. I could tell donny felt he’d dissapointed his daddy. I hated it. I hated watching my child feel that way. I got upset. Getting upset is the only way Ray will settle his butt down. (May I just state I don’t ever just get mad…eww! I hate having to go there just to make him stop.) Now as his apologies were over bearing. It was too late… He wasted more time and energy making sure I understood why he was justified,  then apoligizing sincerely. He’d already caused the damage, and I was already hurt by being ignored.

Ray was already in the dog house since last night. Now, he wats t be rude to me. My struggle stands. Does he deseve me, or am I wasting my life away on a man who barely respects me? 

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